How many more people have to be gone, committed, or do unspeakable acts, for our government and people to say mental illness is real?
That's how this post was going to go.
Until I realized it would get me no where. Trust me I can go on for hours about how the system ignores and fails mental illness. And then I thought, every person with a mental illness goes through it differently, and we all have different symptoms. And there is a difference between each illness. Don't group us all in to depression, that is not fair.
So let's examine my bipolar disorder.
Everyday is a struggle within my mind, yes I take my medication, but that is part of the bigger picture and struggle.
Ever have one of those days where you can't find one of your shoes? Most people would give up and find something else. Not me. I will destroy every inch of my house to find that shoe, it will make me late, cause arguments and anxiety. To make my point a bit more visual go watch the beginning of Silverlingings Playbook, that moment when Bradley Coopers character cannot find the wedding video, that is me.
My body cycles constantly. My body also levels out on medication, meaning that once my body chemicals are stable, my system doesn't know how to react to that, so it shifts. I raise my medication with my doctor, then lower it when my body needs a change. I have a waisted medication list that is a mile long.
Before medication I was really unstable, I mean horrible. Up and down with no known way to deal with it. My relationships with friends and family were becoming broken. The feeling that everyone walks on eggshells around you is a really low feeling. Which adds to a depressive cycle. You feel helpless. Sometimes I still do. Bipolar makes you reclusive in nature.
During the medication test period I almost lost everything. One evening in particular, and this is the first time I've ever mentioned this, my then fiancé and I got into a "normal" argument, except this time it was worse. I threw things. And he said to me that unless I got the right help, we wouldn't get married. And that says a lot about my husband. This man always said he would never give up on me unless I give up on my self and life. And he was staring at me with tears in his eyes saying that he couldn't be this way anymore. But that night I said I would change. A few weeks later it was right back there. And I ended up hospitalized. It was very short, 24 hours to be honest. But I realized that I had what some people don't, a support system. Now I'm not saying everything has been coming up roses since then. But we did get married, and we will never give up on each other.
The medication I'm on now is the best combination for me, and I've only recently gotten there, 5 years is how long it took to find this place of normal. I credit my medication, myself and my doctors for helping me have the right tools.
What are those tools?
Everyday I take my medication. But what has really been helpful is at the request of my husband and my doctor I eat well, and workout. And when you combine all those things it makes it a bit better to deal with the moments that suck the life out of you.
Losing my mom taught me how strong I was. Don't get me wrong I still deal with the loss everyday, she was after all super woman. I just now realize how much shit someone can go through and still be an amazing person. And if she could do everything she did everyday, I could do this.
Fact most with bipolar disorder are overweight, and half of that group are on the verge of having or do have diabetes. And that's not where I want to be.
So what can you do? If you or someone you know has a mental health issue or you fear that they may take their own life please help them get help. We are all stronger than we know.
For more info please visit the Depression and Bipolar Suport Alliance at the link listed below
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