Boobs... Boobies...... Breasts........

At first I hesitated to even make this post, but then realized it is a part of where I am at in my journey.

My boobs.... They were either nonexistent during my teenage years and grew in, in my early 20's and now as I sit here at 31 they are out of control. I hate them.

My breasts are becoming a joke that is quickly getting old. No offense to my friends but I hear the jokes and at one point they were funny.

That is kind of how it all started when I first got them. They were a joke for being so small. WE called them fried eggs. Cause that is what they looked like....

At 23 I started gaining weight and that is right where it went, to my boobs. At first it was a B cup then a C cup, and I was quite pleased with that, I felt they looked quite proportional to my body. And going from not having any to having some cleavage was AHMAZING!

Now this is where I am at today.

I am in between a D and a Double D. And I have become very self conscious with them. To put it bluntly they are too fucking big. I am aware when people are looking at them. And that is if I am wearing a shirt that shows some cleavage to just a regular shirt at the gym.

Frankly I am also uncomfortable, pain wise, you may not see the pain I am Physically in but I can tell you my back is constantly in pain. I also went to the doctor after these bumps started to form on the outside of them, turns out, that I had abused my body so much tiny little infections were growing because my skin couldn't keep up with the weight and how fast they grew.

Emotionally I have cried when I look in the mirror because of how they look. I feel disgusted.

Everyday is becoming a struggle for me mentally. I try to focus on the positives. And my hope is that some cardio and weightlifting will shrink them, if not then surgery will eventually happen.

What about you? Is there something like this that you struggle with? Leave me a comment or email me at: coacherin@erindowellfitness.com
And we can support each other.

Before No boobs....

After but still not where I am today.

Where has the time gone??

Happy New Year to everyone!

2015 was a struggle! But a beautiful one!


So what is up in the Dowell Land?

Well Brian in the past year changed jobs, and  left mine due to mental health issues. And in all that commotion we stopped taking good care of ourselves. As a result I have done damage to my back and body.

So what are we going to be up to in 2016?
Taking care of ourselves and our health. With doctor care I am able to do walks everyday. And as for nutrition? I re joined Weight Watchers.. This was a surprise to most people. So why did I sign up again? I have the workout part covered pretty well with my doctor but needed something to get my eating under control. And for me it just made since to go back to where I was successful in my eating habits. I'll have a blog up about Why weight watcher soon!! Hope Everyone reaches their dreams in 2016!!

Friday...... Mind Games

Well folks we just completed week one of our new workout. And I got to thinking about how this is all really a mind game. Losing weight.

I will get into the details of the workout on Wednesday. But this program is about constantly battling your mind. So in weight loss in general we are always fighting the urge of should I eat this or that and do I really want to workout.

I love the saying "losing weight is hard, being overweight is hard, maintaining is hard, so choose your hard"

For me the working out isn't the tough part it is the nutrition. I use food to cope. When I was a kid it started with a coke, anytime parents would fight or I would fight or feel sad I reached for it. Now as an adult I reach for any kind of food.

As many times as it clicks that I have the power not to eat or binge and that I want to be healthy and honor my mom, it seems like the mind and food wins.

But the cool thing is every minute is a chance to get it right and everyday when you wake up you get a clean slate. So here is to mind over matter today!!!

XOXO Erin

Thoughts on a Thursday!

We all have this great power within us to change our world and help others. But some people choose not to live up to its full potential. Well today I will make this blog short.

Don't settle for a DAMN thing in your life. Start living your dream right now where you are. Prosper where you are planted, and the rest will fall in to place. Today on my workout the trainer kept saying use the power within you and you can achieve your greatest potential.

For me I am digging deep on this. Marinating if you will. I have dreams about using my god given talent of not shutting up and speaking loudly. In high school I was in debate and I loved it! It gave me such a rush to be so passionate about my case. I never really thought about using that love in my life today. But I think it's time to use MY voice to change or inspire others!!!

But that raises the question of how do I do it?? Well my first goal is to be able to speak at an event for my business. I was invited to share my story on July 25. And I finally said yes. My job is to inspire people and what a better time than now!! After that I plan on running weekly fitness events to help spread good into my world!

   

Mental Maonday : Why getting fit and healthy matters

I am always open with who I am and where I am on my journey of overall health. From mental health to my weight loss journey. So I wanted to dive into why getting fit and healthy matters.

We have a growing epidemic in our world today. Obesity and diabetes are far to common, as is mental health issues associated with them. I want to focus on that today. Many of you may know my story of losing my mother to complications of diabetes. But something I don't talk about mainly because I am in a state of denial is how close I am to becoming diabetic as well. That is why 7 days a week I am moving my ass. Because my life is destined for greater things, like helping others.

One thing I have found on my weight loss journey is the mind blowing discoveries with mental health and diabetes. For me the stat that 5 out of 10 people who suffer from bipolar disorder will develop diabetes. This is due to many things. First medication and weight gain. Second emotional eating. In a way this, and this is my opinion,  that this too is a way of slowly commenting suicide. We give up, I know I did for the longest time. I said things like well I've gained 30 pounds so what is another 30 going to do?? I used it as an excuse for the longest time. 

But this is one reason it is so important that we get healthy on all levels. I watched my mom become depressed in her life, with taking her insulin and her medications, losing her leg and eventually the realization that life was ending. In watching that I changed. I didn't want that for myself or anyone else. So I took action my first Christmas without my mom I saw a photo of myself and was shocked at how much I weighed. So I took action. And weighing in at 220 I slowly started to lose until I had lost 20 pounds. And then I weighed in the low 180's then after a bout with some depression I came back to the high 190's which is currently where I am now. 

I am focused more than ever on myself, because what I found was that I FELT so much better working out and eating healthy. My moods Improved, mainly because my blood sugar was under control and I was eating according to my disorder. More protein, more whole foods. and no soda. 

The photo on the left is the photo that started this journey.

So what does anybody have to lose besides pounds when starting a weight loss journey? Well I have a story about that.

I am an online fitness coach and a client of mine who I was helping through a 21 day program lost 15 pounds in her 21 day's and got to throw out some of her diabetes medication. In 2 rounds of the program she lost a total of 35 pounds and is the healthiest she has ever been. 

Everyone in this world deserves a chance to throw out medications, to lose that weight! EVERYONE!

To learn more about starting your own weight loss journey you can visit my site here and sign up to learn more about how my company works to help you get fit!

XOXO Erin!!!!!

   

Thoughts on a Thursday: Quitting

I've quit my weight loss journey many times. Quitting seemed easier than my other options. I would always see how far I had to go and compared it to where I was. and in the end that made it so much worse.
Here are some simple steps I am making this time around to stop myself from Quitting.

1) Don't compare yourself to others. It is such a bad habit that we develop. My bod and your body will never look the same.
2) Don't get to far a head of yourself . Take it one step at a time. Focus on one thing to change once you have mastered that add one thing to become better at.
3) Don't compare where you are to where you want to be. That is my biggest struggle.

If you want and need some extra accountability and want help getting fit click here and start your  weight loss journey today!

Workout Wednesday: Choices and Actions

So as I am gearing up to start my new fitness program I am reminded that this whole weight loss journey was and IS a choice. That it is up to me if I am going to succeed. Because a choice is nothing but an empty promise, without action.

I used to play golf and my favorite way of looking at life is still through the lessons my coach taught me.

The first was that golf isn't about competition with others but with yourself. I love this rule!!! You are your own competition!

The second rule is it's all in the follow through. I.E. a choice is nothing without the action to back it up. So often we make a choice but never follow through. BUT if we keep our eye on the ball and follow through on our swing we can and will eventually go the distance we want! Thanks coach Pryor for those lessons!!!

If you are ready to make the choice of starting your own weight loss journey click here to sign up an learn more!!!

Battle Scars Part 2

So after assessing myself after my cleanse it is apparent that my journey is going to be very long. I have talked about medications and weight gain and weight loss here before. The medications I take for my bipolar make me crave carbs. And the truth is I let  the meds win. I chose to eat the things that I have eaten. And it sucks..

Food, pasta really, is my down fall. I have the relationship with food that is based on comfort. I am struggling with the realization that food is fuel, cause dammit food tastes good! 

One of my biggest downfalls is soda. I always seem to come back to it no matter how long I have been away from it. 

I don't have any magic pill, I now just have my passion of becoming a healthier version of myself. That's also why I coach. It holds me accountable. When you are a part of someone else's journey it really makes you look at yourself! 

Every day I wake up and try harder than the day before, that's how I am choosing to learn from these battle scars.

Here is another realization I found this photo the other day

This girl in this photo, she hated herself, thought she was fat. And wanted the perfect body. She also thought she could eat pasta EVERYDAY. Cut to 11 years later and she is working on the "perfect" body. But she realized that NO BODY is perfect. And the reason she works out now? Purely for her health!

Yes I know that I was skinny, in hindsight, but back then that is how I felt.

This is me today and I do have a ways to go bad god willing I am going to get there!

So here are my goals for April

1) 10 pounds

2) Watch my portions

3) Drink a gallon of water a day

4) No cheat meals until my Birthday

5) Working out 6-7 times a week

6) FACE the day i.e. look pretty 

Mental Monday: Finally I choose what was right for me

This past Thursday I made a decision with my husband. It was one that was ultimately my choice. I put in notice with my job that I was leaving.

February 14, ironic. is my last day.

Sometimes the best choice is the one where the biggest risk is taken. This is a big one. I know where I want my life to be, and mentally working full-time in a job you hate is not good for you.

Everyday I would get home and be worn out mentally. It was making my choice to be healthy put in to question. And I like to workout and eat healthy. But I felt myself slipping down my old path almost every moment. All it would take would be one word and I could drink a soda or eat a bowl of pasta that would make me sick. I could easily been over 200 pounds again.

So what am I going to do? I am pursuing my business Dowell Fitness, a BeachBody business. I have always thought when I would see others succeed in this company and say that couldn't be me. And then one day I thought why not me.

I am still on my Weight Loss journey and as always inspired by my mother and her legacy, to fight and believe in yourself. But now I am motivated on a professional level. I feel that if I can help one person or one family from going through what my mother did, that is what being successful means to me.

Winter Favorites

Thought I would add in a little fun into the mix on the blog!
I have a love hate relationship with winter. I love the clothes that fall and winter weather bring, and love how snow looks from my window in my house. But I don't like driving in it, being in it, or what it does to my skin and hair. So here are some of my favorite things for winter.

1) Satin Hands and Satin Lips By Mary Kay
I love this for so many reasons, enough to make a whole new post. My hands get very very dry in the winter and lotion alone cannot save them, I also break out with a weird rash that I have been told is a result of having asthma as a baby. This stuff keeps my hands soft no matter the temperature outside. If you don't have a Mary Kay lady, You should. I know a few! Just message me.

2) Good Hydrating Shampoo and Conditioner.
I love Pureology hydrate. By far the best hair car I have ever used. It just makes your hair so much softer and amazing! Trust me without it my hair would still be a straw like texture.

3) Vitamin C. in any form. For me it is mostly EmergenC or anything that helps my immune system.

4) A good gym alternative. Living anywhere winter comes, you always encounter the "weather" excuse. Now I have a good back up arsenal of at home DVD's. Like P90X, Focus T25, and Piyo. If you don't have backups you will always have an excuse. If you are ever interested in one of the workouts listed please visit the goals page here on the blog and simply click the Beachbody Logo and there you go. And don't forget that you get me as an added bonus, as your FREE coach.

Click here for more details

Mental Monday: Bipolar and money.

As I write this the struggle to tell this story is hard. My family reads my blog, and not many know that in 2008, I filed for chapter 7 bankruptcy. This was right before my diagnosis. But money had always been a challenge for me. If I had a bad day, I would buy things I couldn't afford with my credit cards. If I was pissed off I would shop. In some cases this was a learned behavior, I saw this a lot with my parents. But it wasn't their fault, I own it, I did it.

Cut to diagnosis and a new(ish) relationship. My husband and I were together at the time of my bankruptcy, and I swore I was done.  That was when I developed the hiding of my spending.

At first it was little things here and there stuff I knew I could get away with, makeup, etc....  Then it would be hundreds of dollars of things I would hide. But then the guilt would settle in and I would fess up. This was and sometimes is still an occurrence. It is a work in progress every day when I am in a manic time the struggle is there, and when I am depressed that urge is there as well, however it is more about things that comfort me in a depressive state, like food, pasta, wanting to eat out, trying to convince my husband that I want this food or that food. But the area that these two states have in common is spending money we don't have.

Being on medication helps. It always, for me anyway, softens the blow of my mental state. Don't get me wrong medications help, but they DO NOT solve the problem. And I believe the problem never gets solved, mainly because it is a daily struggle to constantly fight with your mind or constantly try you best everyday to be better.

Mental illness is always for me a work in progress. I know we all have our own feelings on if it can go into a state of consistency, for me I don't believe that is possible for me. Why do you ask? Because my brain chemicals are constantly changing and my meds are always needing to be raised or lowered. My bipolar "levels out" on any medication. Trust me we have tried so many cocktails 007 would be jealous.

Money for me now has become a bit of an obsession. I struggle everyday to not check our accounts, or make a new budget. Just yesterday we had to make a tough choice and buy something that is in most cases a temporary situation. It almost depleted our savings, but we felt like we had no choice left to barter with.

I also have my mothers heart and I have this need to help my friends or family. But now I have my life and future hanging in the balance with no cushion. Over the next few months we will be working towards rebuilding our savings, by doing a number of things.
For me that means really buckling down and working to become the leader I need to be to grow my business, because the other part of this disorder is the ability to have a job, which I do, but it isn't my passion. I am on a mission to change the way people look at not only mental health, but physical health, and gain a life of financial freedom. If this sounds like something you would like to know more about click the join our team tab at the top to learn about why I started my journey or simply click here to go to the page  besides we are just two goofballs wanting to change ourselves and others, and together with the help of others we can get there!

Six Week Walking and Strength Building guide: week 2

Week Two!!! yay! Sorry for the late post on this! Christmas.

I am going to go ahead and leave my tips below for you!

1) always use the incline. Don't just walk or run on a flat surface.2) don't use the handles. This was hard for me. I started by keeping my hands over them, and used them when I felt wobbly, eventually I moved to the sides of the machine. And now I rarely use them.3) When I walk, cause I don't run, I am towards the back end of the machine. It's better for your stride that way.
4) when you start to feel like it's becoming easier at the speed or incline increase it. Try just the incline. The higher the incline the better the results! 4) when you start to feel like it's becoming easier at the speed or incline increase it. Try just the incline. The higher the incline the better the results



So this post is inspired by a follower on Instagram, who wanted to know how I walk for my cardio, and challenged me to prove this works. I love walking, it truly is my soul-mate of workouts. In the past tries of loosing weight walking and eating right helped me to lose 30 pounds. 

This is a Dowell Fitness guide to walking to gain a sustainable healthy lifestyle. With this and any workout please consult your doctor to see if it is right for you.

In this program we will also include strength training with weights or body weight.

When we use body weight we are incorporating the T25 non cardio DVD’s, other days will be at the gym.

So starting this week we are going to add intensity and some strength workouts in with this. So break the days down.

Days 1,3,5,7

Treadmill speed between 2.8 and 3.0, start warm-up at 2.5 then increase

Incline at 2, for two minutes of warm-up.

Increase incline to 4 after your warm-up. After eight minutes increase incline to 6.

After Twenty minutes increase the incline to 8

Stay at an 8 incline for ten minutes. Then slowly decrease until the cool down, by then you should have a 0 incline

Days 2,4,6

Walk should be done at a 2 incline and taken slow, for 30 minutes. If you don’t like at home workouts hit the weights at the gym and follow the body focus below.

Workout DVD (T25) or other program of your choice.

Day 2 should focus on the lower portion of the body (lower focus DVD)

Day 4 should focus on the core (Ab video T25)

Day 6 should focus on the total body (T25 Total Body Circuit)

Mental Monday: Hope in 2015.

As 2015 quickly approaches and the resolutions are being made, I think to myself, "what do I want for those like us, with mental illness?"

So here are my hopes for US.
1) That this year we can find the peace we are looking for.
2) To realize our medications don't work unless we take them, and work with them.
3) That the world will really start to see this as a real problem, and work with us to find solutions
4) I want us to start taking better care of ourselves, physically, with exercise and nutrition.


What are your hopes for mental illness in 2015?

Goals Part One: The Dress

Most of the time we struggle with our weight loss, and one thing I have learned is that motivation leaves, a lot. So if you are determined to lose the weight that is what keeps you going. I have a clear picture in my mind about weight loss.

I have been planning 2 photo sessions. One is with my husband, for our anniversary. The second is a real Pinup Photo-shoot.

So let me focus on the first photo-shoot.

So to give myself a little motivation for my weight loss journey, I bit the bullet and bought me a dress I had been eyeing for about two years. It is the Monica dress from Pinup Girl Clothing. It is off white and fabulous. You can see it in all its glory Here

I cannot properly express how happy/terrified this dress makes me feel! It really is tiny. I bought a medium, a size I haven't been since I met my husband! But I have made the choice to suck it up and get it done. 

If you are ready for that first step in living a healthy life please don't hesitate to contact me here

Or visit my achieve your goals page  here. 

XOXO 

Erin

ItTakes a Village to Have Success

It takes a village to become a success! I am so ready for 2015! And I want you to be too! Looking for friends to join my village! Lets make 2015 the year to kick the can't to the curb! If you are looking for support in your journey of health, message me and lets get started! If you are a part of the village but have been hesitant to start lets get you going. The physical transformation is only part of the journey, it is the person you become mentally that is life changing! All it takes is to reach out and trust in that leap of faith!

Self Confidence, Enough is Enough.

Things that are always running through my mind.
1) I want pasta, but if I eat that I cannot fit in to those jeans, Oh who am I kidding? I will never be good enough to wear them
2) I don't look pretty enough next to her.
3) nothing I ever do is good enough.

This list can go on FOREVER!

And it is so exhausting for anyone to feel that way.

Enough with the enough's

You are enough! I am enough, we all are enough.

So lets all be confident in who we are at this moment, and who we will become when we stop to realize, we are all beautiful.

Lets stop using labels to define each other.
No more Skinny, no more curvy, manly looking,  no more overweight, no more just no more.

What if we all just started working to become better in our overall life?
Lets use the language that lifts us up!
Getting healthy, getting fit, growing mentally, Love the way this makes me feel, I am enough.

So here I go, this is me, and I am working on getting healthy, growing mentally and I am enough.
This is where I am in my journey. I own it and am proud of how far I have come!

 I would Love for anyone who wants to join me on this journey or wants help with theirs to leave a comment below or head here to send me an email!

Mental Monday: Choices

Happiness is a choice......

I remember my first therapist telling me those words, and how angry I was at them and her for that matter. With all the things that were going on in my life at the time, which I obviously in formed her, that was not a concept I could grasp. At this stage I had not been tested for Bipolar, and was being treated for depression. How could a person who just went through emotional hell chose happiness?

I remember fuming about that comment after I sought treatment from a new therapist, and they told me the same thing. But did something different, I saw someone who helped diagnose me. That day was two things, devastating and full circle.

Lets start with the devastating. I don't know about anyone else, but this is my journey, and every person is different. Having a REAL diagnoses made me feel like I was the Something wrong in my life, and that everything going on was my fault. I became a very angry and very depressive.

A little description of how it feels, for me, to be going through that state. When I am angry and depressive I admit it now, I am out to hurt people, so they can feel pain the way I do. But that is the depression. The real me is trapped and sees the destruction and is screaming, that's not me, I am over here.

I hesitated for a very long time on seeing the specialist again. But when the medications weren't working and I was desperate I went back. Ended up hospitalized, got the shit scared out of me and was released 24 hours later because I couldn't be there, and the realization that others are going through the same just without a support system, I knew what I had to do.  

So what was the full circle? It was a normal day and I went to an appointment, she started reading off somethings that made sense. I never really fit in, in school, work, and sometimes with my family. I had bad mood-swings as a child and teenager. I mainly liked to be alone. Everything made sense. And as I was leaving the Dr. told me Erin, just remember Happiness is a choice. I turned around and asked "what does everyone mean by that? I am mentally ill, I am bipolar. She made me go back in to her office, sat me down and said this.

"You are not Bipolar, You are Erin, and you have Bipolar disorder. You are not your illness.  So just Be You. Choose to be as happy as you can be. Just Be You."

And that is where MY life changed. I took my medication regularly, I mood charted, and worked hard to do as she said "Be You"

All to often this is seen in our communities, people who sadly chose to be their illness, because they don't have the tools to know what others know, they are not the illness.

To Anyone who stops by just remember
1) Happiness Is a choice
2) You are not your illness'
And my favorite
3) Be You




That's where I leave you this Monday. If you are interested in my 30 day mood charting support group head over to my Contact me page!  or leave a comment below.

Self confidence and the scale

How many times as women have we stepped on the scale, only to have it crush our hopes and dreams? If you ask me to many.

When I was first starting on this journey of all around health, I like many, joined a "group" where we would track our food and weigh in every week. In the beginning it was awesome, the weight was coming off until it wasn't. This cycle continued for many months. Until I became paralyzed by my fear of the scale.  And I fell off the wagon pretty hard. I was burnt out. 

Cut to a few weeks ago, I was like many times, at 188. But then I let the fear creep in, and because of that I would eat poorly. So on Sunday I had a thought on how to get me past the 188 mark (however I am sitting around 193 now). I thought long and very carefully. I'm posting about my journey and I have to weigh myself or give my stats. After some reverse engineering I decided to put the scale away and test the theory of my fear.  

I am not weighing myself or taking measurements until January 2nd. I'm doing this to regain confidence in myself. I am practicing my tips for self confidence. I am watching my diet and doing my workouts and waiting to see what the result is.

And I want you to join me for the ride!  We can do this together. That's my call to action for you. Let's free ourselves from the scale, from our fears!  I'm ready! Are you? If you want in on this just click the contact me page! 

Mental Monday: finding out your triggers/stresses/warnings

One thing I am still working on in my mental health journey and wellness journey is to recognize my triggers. For those not familiar, triggers in hindsight are warnings that a manic or depressive episode is coming.

This is something that has taken so much of my time to finding a balance in my life.  So what is the first step in figuring out what your triggers are. I hated this in the early stages of my journey, but mood charting is amazing. For me the more detailed charts were the best. I recommend one that has a slot for Meds, food, water. And then the times of the day to chart your moods. The best one I have found is here at DBSA

Sometimes finding out your triggers can be painful. It's hard to admit but family is a trigger.  It's hard when everyone thinks they know you, or certain people push your buttons for their own personal game. Also my former job at times was an added amount of stress on my health.

Money is also a huge trigger for me no matter how much or little I have. 

My best advice to anyone going through the ups and downs of mental illness is to just for 30 days try mood charting. If you need support from someone I can be that shoulder for you to lean on. We can do it together.  Just leave a comment or hit the contact me tab located at the top of the screen, or click here!

Have a healthy Monday!

XOXO Erin

Spread The Wealth with self-confidence

Everyday we get the chance to find out who we are. But what if you don't know what to look for? How do You become confidant?

Here is a break down of what I'm doing right now.

1) Finding My Passion

2) Positive Self Talk

3) Working Out

4) Giving Back

5) Finding My Routine

6) RED LIPSTICK

7) Learning Something New Everyday

8) Applying What I Learned To My life

9) Change My Perspective 

10) Spread The Wealth!

So this post took on a different way of spreading the wealth. At first I was going to tell you how to help others with what you know. But then what happened is what happened below.

I wanted to do this post as a way to let my loved ones and anyone I know how much they inspire me!

Everyday I see posts and glimpses into their lives, or interact with them some how.

They come from all walks of life and all have amazing stories about life, love, and loss. I won't mention them by name but they will read this post and know.

I see strength in all of them. From people who have lost children to siblings to parents. And that taught me how to grieve and be strong. Some of the strongest people I have seen crumble and helped to try to make it better. There are people who have overcome physical difficulties and proven how strong a person can be if they just have faith in themselves. And that taught me how to become strong and proud in a physical sense. Or the people who started the same weight loss journey and thank me because they started, they inspire me! 

These people keep me motivated when I feel like giving up. Or when I'm too sad and don't want to do anything other than cry because I can't talk to the one person who made any situation make sense. 

One thing I can say about where my life is right now is no matter what just keep going. Everyday every workout, every smile I make, every time I say I love you, every breath, is for and because my mom loved me. 

Xoxo

Erin