Weighing in Sunday/moody Monday

So this week has been ROUGH, for me emotionally. Things I'm not ready to discuss here. So weight is no change from last week. 

So on to moody Monday.....

It is weird for me to have so many personal issues going on around me and have a medication that works. Lamitical is amazing, despite making my man sweat worse. My ability to cope with the problems is so much more clear. I was able to take control of the issue at hand. The perks of manic moods. I have had the depression side as well. I was able to feel my emotions and let them pass. 

I am dealing with major family issues here it is nothing out of the norm for our family, declining health of loved ones. I have had to deal with so many adult problems this week I am positive I will be gray by the end of the month.

That's all I am willing to talk about now. 

Xoxo 

Tasty Tuesday

I'm showing you all, a

 new but very amazing recipe...

Italian chicken gumbo.

First lets start with what you'll need. Chicken( this time I used canned, I was lazy), whole wheat orzo, canned diced tomatoes, olive oil, garlic, I also used a spice from a local vendor Holmes salsa, but red pepper flakes or a spicy mrs. Dash would work, one carrot diced, two cups of fresh spinach, and chicken stalk.

 

First things first pour the entire carton of chicken stalk in the pot followed by the garlic, diced tomatoes, olive oil, carrots, and the spice of your choice. As far as measuring the garlic put as much or as little as you like. Put the stove on medium heat. Once the pot comes to a simmer put in the chicken. The first time I made this I put fresh chicken breast diced, this time I was lazy and used canned.

It should look like this

 

Once it comes to a boil you will then add the spinach, let it cook down(wilt). 

Followed by 4 oz of orzo, half of the carton.

 

 

You'll let the orzo cook, about 5-6 minutes.

Your finished product should look similar to this.

And there you have it. A delish healthy meal!!!! Next Tuesday I'll show you my chipotle fix shrimp with cilantro rice!!

And now for your viewing pleasure a little face time with Baylee and Riley

  

Moody Monday

Mood swings and my bipolar go way back. Before I was ever diagnosed. Looking back on my childhood I see the signs that I was not exhibiting normal moods. I was always wanting to be by myself. I liked silence and solitude. Don't get me wrong, I also loved being the center of attention as well, it's just as an adult with bipolar we call those manic episodes. I would put on plays, make up songs, and my favorite thing was pretending that I was Reba. 

The difference between my younger self and my teenage self was everything could be hormones. I was always either angry, reclusive, deliberately hurtful. Not gonna lie I was a BITCH. It's a wonder that I had friends.

But today at 29, I have to spend my time around people, it's what I do. And it's hard smiling and what not everyday. But I do it cause life isn't free. Usually by the time I come home I am mentally tired. I love coming home and unwinding. Usually I lay in bed or watch tv. 

But today I'm going to try something different, going to the gym. I will tell you I probably won't want to go and I'll argue with myself all the way there and then sit in the parking lot getting up the drive to go in. But I will go in. My moods will improve I know that all too well. 

My first goal I have set for myself is to go to the gym and move for 30 minutes. That's it 30 minuets. I gradually will move up to an hour.  My goal is to be down to a 14 pant by the middle of November .

This time I'm not focusing on that number on the scale. I'm really going to listen to my body, including watching my moods by charting them. 

And lastly.... But more for fun.... Here's my little Zoe!! Xoxo!!!

  

Weighing in Sunday...

So first off on weigh in Sunday is I'm back at the blog after some time away for various reasons. 

Weigh in Sunday is not only going to be about me weighing myself, but I also want to talk about other things that are on my mind.

So here I go....

1) I'm not ready for aging parents. Both my parents have disabilities, my mother's I've touched on here, and its gotten worse. And my dad has MD. So they rely on each other and my sister and i. It feels like the changes happened overnight. But it did not. Something's stem from not taking care of themselves and some have come with just getting older. I love both my parents despite my issues I may have with them. Seeing them gradually become this way and a lot of the events that have happened over a 5 year period led to me finding comfort in food. I feel that I'm too young for this to be happening, however I know People whom were in their early 20's and dealt with it. Life is nothing without struggle. And this is just the way things are going to be. So I will enjoy the good times and embrace the emotions of the hard times and hopefully I will gain from it.

2) having kids.... It's not in the cards for me. It isn't something I or my husband came to with any sort of ease, of course I have some desire to have a family. But and this but is why we are not having a conventional family.... I cannot with a clear conscious bring a child into my life and still have my mental health. I know that my mental health is always going to be a work in progress and I feel that it will not ever be to place where I can be stable to responsibly raise a human life.

And Brian gets that.

I'm not saying people with bipolar disorder can't or shouldn't have kids, many do and I applaud that. It's a choice. I just choose differently. So no little Dowell's from us. Unless you count my furry children(I do)

3) staying on the mental health kick.... I'm having the worst time trying to sleep. Boo. In fact I write this post at 12:00 am. 3 1/2 hours after the time I try to make my bedtime. Some people who suffer from mental illness have the problem of an over active brain. Mine never shuts down, it's constantly over thinking.

4) Sunday weighing in for weight watchers. Since I have been cleared by my dr scince July to exercise I haven't been able to get motivated. Mostly because I gained the 30 pounds I had lost. So with out further delay my first weigh in weight is......  198.2. I'm about to embark on this journey for the 5th time. And with hard work and support it will be my last.

That's all she wrote!! Have a good one!! 

Xoxo!!