Weighing in Sunday/moody Monday

So this week has been ROUGH, for me emotionally. Things I'm not ready to discuss here. So weight is no change from last week. 

So on to moody Monday.....

It is weird for me to have so many personal issues going on around me and have a medication that works. Lamitical is amazing, despite making my man sweat worse. My ability to cope with the problems is so much more clear. I was able to take control of the issue at hand. The perks of manic moods. I have had the depression side as well. I was able to feel my emotions and let them pass. 

I am dealing with major family issues here it is nothing out of the norm for our family, declining health of loved ones. I have had to deal with so many adult problems this week I am positive I will be gray by the end of the month.

That's all I am willing to talk about now. 

Xoxo 

Tasty Tuesday

I'm showing you all, a

 new but very amazing recipe...

Italian chicken gumbo.

First lets start with what you'll need. Chicken( this time I used canned, I was lazy), whole wheat orzo, canned diced tomatoes, olive oil, garlic, I also used a spice from a local vendor Holmes salsa, but red pepper flakes or a spicy mrs. Dash would work, one carrot diced, two cups of fresh spinach, and chicken stalk.

 

First things first pour the entire carton of chicken stalk in the pot followed by the garlic, diced tomatoes, olive oil, carrots, and the spice of your choice. As far as measuring the garlic put as much or as little as you like. Put the stove on medium heat. Once the pot comes to a simmer put in the chicken. The first time I made this I put fresh chicken breast diced, this time I was lazy and used canned.

It should look like this

 

Once it comes to a boil you will then add the spinach, let it cook down(wilt). 

Followed by 4 oz of orzo, half of the carton.

 

 

You'll let the orzo cook, about 5-6 minutes.

Your finished product should look similar to this.

And there you have it. A delish healthy meal!!!! Next Tuesday I'll show you my chipotle fix shrimp with cilantro rice!!

And now for your viewing pleasure a little face time with Baylee and Riley

  

Moody Monday

Mood swings and my bipolar go way back. Before I was ever diagnosed. Looking back on my childhood I see the signs that I was not exhibiting normal moods. I was always wanting to be by myself. I liked silence and solitude. Don't get me wrong, I also loved being the center of attention as well, it's just as an adult with bipolar we call those manic episodes. I would put on plays, make up songs, and my favorite thing was pretending that I was Reba. 

The difference between my younger self and my teenage self was everything could be hormones. I was always either angry, reclusive, deliberately hurtful. Not gonna lie I was a BITCH. It's a wonder that I had friends.

But today at 29, I have to spend my time around people, it's what I do. And it's hard smiling and what not everyday. But I do it cause life isn't free. Usually by the time I come home I am mentally tired. I love coming home and unwinding. Usually I lay in bed or watch tv. 

But today I'm going to try something different, going to the gym. I will tell you I probably won't want to go and I'll argue with myself all the way there and then sit in the parking lot getting up the drive to go in. But I will go in. My moods will improve I know that all too well. 

My first goal I have set for myself is to go to the gym and move for 30 minutes. That's it 30 minuets. I gradually will move up to an hour.  My goal is to be down to a 14 pant by the middle of November .

This time I'm not focusing on that number on the scale. I'm really going to listen to my body, including watching my moods by charting them. 

And lastly.... But more for fun.... Here's my little Zoe!! Xoxo!!!

  

Weighing in Sunday...

So first off on weigh in Sunday is I'm back at the blog after some time away for various reasons. 

Weigh in Sunday is not only going to be about me weighing myself, but I also want to talk about other things that are on my mind.

So here I go....

1) I'm not ready for aging parents. Both my parents have disabilities, my mother's I've touched on here, and its gotten worse. And my dad has MD. So they rely on each other and my sister and i. It feels like the changes happened overnight. But it did not. Something's stem from not taking care of themselves and some have come with just getting older. I love both my parents despite my issues I may have with them. Seeing them gradually become this way and a lot of the events that have happened over a 5 year period led to me finding comfort in food. I feel that I'm too young for this to be happening, however I know People whom were in their early 20's and dealt with it. Life is nothing without struggle. And this is just the way things are going to be. So I will enjoy the good times and embrace the emotions of the hard times and hopefully I will gain from it.

2) having kids.... It's not in the cards for me. It isn't something I or my husband came to with any sort of ease, of course I have some desire to have a family. But and this but is why we are not having a conventional family.... I cannot with a clear conscious bring a child into my life and still have my mental health. I know that my mental health is always going to be a work in progress and I feel that it will not ever be to place where I can be stable to responsibly raise a human life.

And Brian gets that.

I'm not saying people with bipolar disorder can't or shouldn't have kids, many do and I applaud that. It's a choice. I just choose differently. So no little Dowell's from us. Unless you count my furry children(I do)

3) staying on the mental health kick.... I'm having the worst time trying to sleep. Boo. In fact I write this post at 12:00 am. 3 1/2 hours after the time I try to make my bedtime. Some people who suffer from mental illness have the problem of an over active brain. Mine never shuts down, it's constantly over thinking.

4) Sunday weighing in for weight watchers. Since I have been cleared by my dr scince July to exercise I haven't been able to get motivated. Mostly because I gained the 30 pounds I had lost. So with out further delay my first weigh in weight is......  198.2. I'm about to embark on this journey for the 5th time. And with hard work and support it will be my last.

That's all she wrote!! Have a good one!! 

Xoxo!!

29

I am officially 29 have been for a whole day now as I sit here I have compiled a list on how I am planning to make 29 the best year of my life. Some are Weight loss related some are not so here goes my list of 29:

1. Enjoy the little things (name that movie)
2. Video game date night!
3. Find a Craft
4. Play golf more!
5. Cardio (Again name that movie)
6. Amelia Earhart Festival 
7. Highland games
8. Haunted Trolley ride
9. Do more vintage pin up style 
10. Spend time with friends
11. Make a stranger smile everyday
12. Be and stay organized
13. Smile even when I feel broken
14. Run a 5k
15. Be frugal
16. Try new things
17. Waist size of 29
18. Lose 65 pounds
19. Do something adventurous 
20. RETRO BIKINI
21. Do a pin up Photo shoot
22. Start training for a half marathon 
23. Go to the gym 5 days a week
24. Road trip!
25. Make my business plan
26. Be open to new foods
27. Makeover the apartment (on a budget)
28. To not be afraid to be who I am
29. Vegas or NYC for my 30th Birthday!!

So there is my list! Sometime this week I will show you all our trip to Memphis! And while I gained 2.7 pounds I had a blast!!
On today's agenda this old fart is headed to the gym!

XOXO 

Erin D.

Where did my motivation go???

Where is it? I've lost my mojo!!!!
So yeah I'm in another Bipolar cycle. I had a manic episode Monday and part of Tuesday.  Yesterday I had moments where I was very negative to myself and moments where I wanted to cry. This illness sucks BUTT!
I think certain world events may have made the cycle speed up. My thoughts are with Boston. And with other politics that occurred yesterday, I suddenly remember why I hate what I went to college for! anywho..... I was doing very well until dinner last night..... We went to a favorite restaurant and I ate way more spaghetti than was necessary. Still I tracked it and today is a new day and after today and tomorrow I'll be heading out on vacation! YAY Memphis!!!!
Got up and went to the gym this morning, but alas it is not my day. After my work out Which was only like 45 min... I noticed I had a lot of stuff that I left at home. So I left early cause I needed to get ready at home. And to top it off I can't find my in case of emergency meds cause I need them...... GRRRR!

Anywho we are on our way to Memphis! Woohoo vacation time!

I broke it and now I have to fix it!

Today these words have been in my head in regards to my weight " I did this to myself, not my mom, not McDonalds, not Wendy's, not coke products, ME. I did this to my body and I'm the only one who can fix it!"
It is funny how we come to those aha moments isn't it?

So here is my recap from yesterday and what I've been up to so far today !
Monday I had a ton of energy, I'm not quite sure if it was my bipolar or a "high" from working out over the weekend". note I didn't work out at the gym Monday morning however I did do a 2 mile walk around the wsu campus. I love walking around campus, mainly because I've spent almost 11 years here, it puts my life into perspective when I walk around here. I had a lot happen here, I grew up here (for reals).
I also ate well and tracked everything I could remember. I took the stairs all day and had minimal pain in my left foot.

Stupid stairs I dont wanna!

 

Today I have eaten well so far, haven't figured out dinner yet. I went to the gym at 5 AM and am debating a walk when I get off work.

 

 

Until next time folks!!!!

xoxo Erin

30 Day Challenge Day one and two!

So here is a quick review of my first two days!!

Saturday
10:45 - 11:30 I walked my two miles
I measured my food
went to the gym for a good hour work out.
On Sunday I woke up and Brian and I walk the poochies, 1 mile.
After breakfast it was gym time. we put in a good solid hour at the gym. Worked my butt off there. For dinner I made Orange Chicken and ww Fried rice.
I am trying to visualize my goals so when I'm working out I imagine me at goal, I see me in that retro bikini. I know i have a long way to go but I'll get there soon enough.

But until then a girl can dream about retro bikini's like these......http://www.pinupgirlclothing.com/swimwear.html


XOXO Erin D.

30 days! A Healthy Challenge!!

So today Saturday April 13,2013, I am committing to 30 days of health! My list WILL include the following:

1. No pop of any kind.
2. 1 Hour of exercise at the gym 5X a week.
3. Walk 2 miles a day(yes I know this seems crazy with working out 5X a week, But I love walking) 
4. Make good choices with food.
5. Take the stairs at work.
6. Drink 8 glasses of water every day.
7. Say something Positive about yourself EVERY morning.
8. Meet the Good Health Guidelines.
9. Check in daily on the blog and on fb.
10. Be accountable
11. Follow Weight Watchers to a T. (I know it works only if you work the program)
12. Measure my food everyday.
13. Even Though I'll be on vacation I will make the best choices.
14. NO EXCUSES!  (My Hotel has a fitness center, so I have NO excuse not to work out.)
15. Have fun.
16. Celebrate my Birthday without going overboard! But Still have some Tres letche cake at my dinner!!
17. Pack my lunch every night.
18. pack my Gym bag Every night

I'm Sure there will need to be more added to this list. My 30 Day's starts now.

I have put the photo challenge on hold because, this past week I have been too Lazy. Today is the start of SO many changes! I'll Check in everyday on my blog, I'll give you the play by play. I WILL do this I have too. I am so afraid and I mean this in a way that means no disrespect, I am so afraid of becoming my mother, health wise, I don't want to be diabetic, or lose a leg or have no control over how my body works, so today I HAVE TO MAKE THIS CHANGE!

I love all of my friends and my family who are on this journey with me!!! 

XOXO 

Erin D.

This is Me and Brian we had only been dating a Few months at this point. I miss the person I was here.  I am posting  this photo because slowly but surely I will get back to this person. I love You Babe and promise if you stick with me and do this with me we can grow together. I know it isn't easy loving me and my Bipolar disorder but this girl in this photo is still here waiting to shine! xoxo! 

Picture Project and Weighing in!

So here are The pictures of the week! The theme for April is.... Touch!
So the following pictures are things that can be touched or touch my heart on a daily basis!

Easter Sunday!! 

Zoey!!! and her puppy dog eyes!!!

Riley and mommy evening snuggle!

Angry cat! angry cause mommy loves her too much!!!

My Zoey's Feet they touch my heart everyday!! 

Baylee's time out box hehe!!!

Love of my life on a morning work out!!!

Had to put this on the blog the tvstand is my birthday gift from my parents!!

Shadow the survivor!! 

I love this face!!!!

 Ok now on to the weighing in part..... on Saturday after a LONG and CRAZY no gym time week I had stayed the same weight. and I ate like CRAP. So I have no idea why I didn't gain?%^&*%
But I'll Take it. Tomorrow it is back to the grind. I am not very motivated right now to go to the gym but Fake it till you make it right????? Happy Monday

XOXO
Erin D.

The list

So I am super excited to be going to Memphis in a month. Graceland has always been on my list of things to do before I die or my bucket list. My list always changes with new things I want to do. So here it goes my list as it stands now. And these are  in order of what I really want to do.
1.Ireland and Scotland (I want to find out where my grandfather's parent were from and go to where Brian's family is from in Scotland)
2.Graceland (soon....very soon)
3.Go all over Italy and EAT!!! And not worry about how fat I'll become.
4.Travel the entire route of route 66 from start to finish.
5.Attend a Superbowl
6.Attend a KU game.
7.Attend a NCAA men's Basketball tournament Championship game
8.Go to Egypt and see the pyramids
9.Go to the Mayan Temple Ruins
10.Go to Germany
11.Attend NYC fashion week!
12.Wear a retro bikini and feel confidant
13.RUN a 5K, I walked my first
14. Walk/Run a half marathon
15.Walk/run a marathon
16.Participate in a Run For Your Lives Zombie 5K as a zombie
17.Participate in a Run For Your Lives Zombie 5k as a survivor
18.Learn to shoot a bow and arrow not the simple bow and arrow that they taught me in girl scouts or church camp but an actual Bow an arrow. This will be handy in the time of the zombie Apocalypse.
19.Build Our dream home...... Which is a zombie proof house..... Yes I went there....
20.Live in another state......
21.Retire on Oregon Coast
22.Open my own Vintage Inspired store
23.Own a Saint Bernard
24.Volunteer for the Alzheimer Association
25.Do a full on Pinup Photoshoot!!
26.Skydive on my 40th b-day
27.Go on an Alaskan Cruse
28.Visit the small town in Alaska where my grandmother Wood lived in.
29.learn to play the trumpet
30.Visit the Redwood National Forest
31.Go to Harry Potter World in Florida and the One they are Building in cali
32.Go to London with Ashley and Callie To search for Rupert Grint's Icream truck
33.Go to Toronto
34.Go back to Crazy Horse and see the progress
35.Live to see and Survive the Zombie Apocalypse(yeah I know this wont happen but a girl can dream!)

That's all I have for now...... I cannot wait to cross something off!
These are things I have done That were on the list before
1.Go to NYC
2.Go to Maine
3.See the last Harry Potter In I-MAX 3d at midnight
4.Get married by 27!
5.Dye my hair Coke can red!!

So here is a Shout out to my Lovely Friends Whom I Love From  the deepest parts of my heart. They Are Awesome!!!!
And We WILL Find that damn Ice cream Truck!!!!!!

This photo below was from our wedding night. After the wedding we all went out on the town and we found some zombies!!!

So this is as Close to the apocalypse I'll ever get! 

Happy and Healthy week Ahead to all of you!!!!!
                                   XOXOXOXO
                                             Erin D.

Weigh in time

Just a Quick check in with you all. Weight this morning was 188.9. Goodbye 190's!!! It was a shock because this week has not been my best. I ate a lot of crap and had some pop. I've been thinking about my upcoming trip to Memphis. And have set a goal of being down a total of 10 pounds by then. it is one month from today. I'm already halfway there because of my loss today!!!
My trip got me thinking about my bucket list, I have been an Elvis fan my whole life, I even cut my hair real short and at the time my hair was its natural color, almost jet black. I would walk around the house with my lip up and shake my hips. so needless to say Graceland is on my list. So on Monday I will share my bucket list with you all.

Also I am restarting my photo challenge on April 1st. I'll post the picks weekly on Monday's. I'm creating the monthly themes and concepts, but note I am NOT a photographer, I just want to share my journey with others. This is after all a big year for me in about a month I'll enter the last year of my 20's. Speaking of that Happy Birthday to my sister! she turns 30 today!!!

Words hurt.....

So I have debated sharing this on here all day. After much thought I will share only the words that this "person" said to me on Saturday I say "person" to be polite. I don't want to talk about the situation, only the words that were spoken...... "STAY FAT AND UGLY". Those words have been on instant replay in my brain since yesterday..... I have no words...

I lost control, I am forcing a smile on my face, I have low opinions of most of humanity, And they said how I think people look at me, fat and ugly.

Now I know that I am far from that, but some days I feel that way. I know I'm blessed to have the life I have. I know that my husband thinks I am beautiful, as do my friends, and my family. But those words have paralyzed me.

So what did I do today? I picked myself up off the pity party floor, and did what I am training myself to do.
I went to the gym, I worked out that much harder. And while those words will stay with me probably for most of my weight loss journey they WILL NOT define me.

On to much better news..... I weighed in at 190.1!!! A loss of 3.4 pounds!!!! YAY!!!!

I also didn't take pictures on Friday and obviously Saturday I wanted nothing to do with a camera... So here is today's after gym photo.

XOXO Erin D.

 

Working it out!! My nsv!!

Very proud of myself for committing to my 5:00 A.M. Work outs!! I feel the energy all day, and the bonus is that I am done with my work out so my evenings are free. My clothes are fitting better too!!  

I was also proud of myself for not stuffing my face after a tense evening yesterday. Instead I came home and went to bed, and I worked out those emotions at the gym! This is such a learning  experience for me. With my Bipolar disorder I normally just lose all self control. But each day I am trying to remember that I control IT, IT does not control me! I am trying to be more positive, fake it till you make it style. But still a positive step none the less! Here are the past few days of the Photo of the day!

Tuesday morning after my work out!!!

Wednesday hanging with my poochie!!!! 

Thursday after a 45 min walk with my sister and the dogs.  Yeah I  worked out twice!

XOXO 

Erin D.

4:30 am wake ups SUCK@@$#@%$^

This A.M. Sucked.... Only when I tried to get out of bed, once I got going  it was smooth sailing. I started to crash around 3:00 in the afternoon... Any Ideas on what to do when that happens?

I have my bag packed for tomorrow morning, just in case my left foot wants to go. I got a steroid injection in it this afternoon. Worst thing EVER! It hurt like a @#$$D$^$#%$%*$^&*#@$^&!  Don't want to do that again, but I might next Monday if there are no improvements.  

WSU played in the championship Missouri Valley tournament, But we fell short and lost by 3. None the less  I  rocked my shocker hoodie with pride. poop on you Blue chickens(Jay's)!

I am so very happy that the hubs joined me at the gym and is doing this journey with me! XOXO Mr. His goal for the week is one pound, I think he will do more than that! Mine is one pound also. But I'm hoping and wishing for more, but A LOSS IS A LOSS RIGHT????? 

 And this is today's shot as you can tell I am Pooped.... Off to bed I go.....

XOXO Erin D!!!

Weigh In 3/9/13 (Go Shockers!) xoxoxo!

So lets start With the weigh in...... 193.5.... I gained..... I ate like CRAP this week so I knew it was going to happen.

Tomorrow I'll start  my insane gym schedule. 4:30 am wake up sad face..... But it must be done.

 Pictures of the day yes pictures. Let me introduce everyone to Pete I had a wonderful time with Pete Dowell 

he normally lives in my car but it was so cold in there he ran off... Soon he will be back on my dashboard!! 

Best present  EVER! Thanks to my sister for Pete!

Down a pant size!

So a quick post this AM. Went looking for some jeans in my closet and couldn't find any size 18's but I found a pair of 16's. And guess what they fit! and are not to tight!! That feeling is so amazing!

Woke up at 4:45 got ready for work and walked the dogs for about 1 mile, maybe a little under. On Sunday I'm going to try going to the gym, if my feet will let me.

Here are my pictures of the day from Thursday and today. I tried to get a picture with both of my other fur babies however they no likey!

Angry cat on the right!! 

This is our youngest baby Riley! and mommy's favorite!

This is angry cat or better known as Baylee! I love giving her kissy face!!! she of course HATES it!

TGIF!!!!