Battle Scars Part 2

So after assessing myself after my cleanse it is apparent that my journey is going to be very long. I have talked about medications and weight gain and weight loss here before. The medications I take for my bipolar make me crave carbs. And the truth is I let  the meds win. I chose to eat the things that I have eaten. And it sucks..

Food, pasta really, is my down fall. I have the relationship with food that is based on comfort. I am struggling with the realization that food is fuel, cause dammit food tastes good! 

One of my biggest downfalls is soda. I always seem to come back to it no matter how long I have been away from it. 

I don't have any magic pill, I now just have my passion of becoming a healthier version of myself. That's also why I coach. It holds me accountable. When you are a part of someone else's journey it really makes you look at yourself! 

Every day I wake up and try harder than the day before, that's how I am choosing to learn from these battle scars.

Here is another realization I found this photo the other day

This girl in this photo, she hated herself, thought she was fat. And wanted the perfect body. She also thought she could eat pasta EVERYDAY. Cut to 11 years later and she is working on the "perfect" body. But she realized that NO BODY is perfect. And the reason she works out now? Purely for her health!

Yes I know that I was skinny, in hindsight, but back then that is how I felt.

This is me today and I do have a ways to go bad god willing I am going to get there!

So here are my goals for April

1) 10 pounds

2) Watch my portions

3) Drink a gallon of water a day

4) No cheat meals until my Birthday

5) Working out 6-7 times a week

6) FACE the day i.e. look pretty 

Weigh In 3/9/13 (Go Shockers!) xoxoxo!

So lets start With the weigh in...... 193.5.... I gained..... I ate like CRAP this week so I knew it was going to happen.

Tomorrow I'll start  my insane gym schedule. 4:30 am wake up sad face..... But it must be done.

 Pictures of the day yes pictures. Let me introduce everyone to Pete I had a wonderful time with Pete Dowell 

he normally lives in my car but it was so cold in there he ran off... Soon he will be back on my dashboard!! 

Best present  EVER! Thanks to my sister for Pete!

Down a pant size!

So a quick post this AM. Went looking for some jeans in my closet and couldn't find any size 18's but I found a pair of 16's. And guess what they fit! and are not to tight!! That feeling is so amazing!

Woke up at 4:45 got ready for work and walked the dogs for about 1 mile, maybe a little under. On Sunday I'm going to try going to the gym, if my feet will let me.

Here are my pictures of the day from Thursday and today. I tried to get a picture with both of my other fur babies however they no likey!

Angry cat on the right!! 

This is our youngest baby Riley! and mommy's favorite!

This is angry cat or better known as Baylee! I love giving her kissy face!!! she of course HATES it!

TGIF!!!!

Struggles = Stronger...... Right??

Morning all.. I'm in another motivation FUNK. I always look to how far I have to go in this journey and it kills my motivation. I've tried everything from picturing me at my goal weight in that retro bikini to setting smaller goals like 10 pounds at a time. But because I am limited on the amount of exercise I can do I get discouraged. For those who don't know about 8 or 9 months ago while I was well on my way to getting to my goal, I was getting increasing  amounts of pain in my feet so I just stopped EVERYTHING. It got to the point where I would get into my car after work and cry because the pain was to intense. So after gaining all the weight I had lost and complaining daily to my husband and my mother I went to get help. I had bone spurs on BOTH of my heals. GRRR.

I had my first surgery on January 2nd of this year, and the second surgery on the 15th of February I had the second. I should be healed by now right? Wrong, my left foot which was done first is still hurting like I have the spurs still.. Double GRRR.

I went and did just 15 min of cardio on Monday and Tuesday my foot was unhappy, and so was I. I binged, I ate the pasta I've been craving for weeks. so now I find my motivation is severely lacking. I tried to walk the dogs like normal today to no avail. Had no desire. So I'm writing this morning and asking you to send me some happy vibes. Today WILL be better than yesterday. 

So here are the photos for my 365 photo project. 

Tuesday! Loved my hair! Which is very unusual  for me.

And today's photo. 

Happy middle of the week! 

XOXO 

Erin

I WANT PASTA!!!

For reals I WANT PASTA! It is my vice along with coke (the pop). These are my top to foods that give me "comfort"

Tonight I WANTED them, but did not have them. I wanted to be bad..... but I decided on Turkey burgers with Turkey bacon, lettuce, tomato, onion, skim milk cheese, ketchup and light mayo. I also baked potato Chips in the oven. I did over indulge on some things but for the most part I'm proud I didn't buy the bag of pasta and alfredo and eat the whole damn thing!

My day was a huge struggle, but I made it. And I want to share with you something that happened to me on my morning walk today. I was down really down. And Let me fore warn you I am NOT religious, I believe in god, just not in church. Anywho I was walking and talking to myself and Whomever you think was listening. I said "please help me with my illness, please, help it not control me this time, don't let me eat my sorrows, please help" I repeated this several times finally when the depression  was starting to flare I heard a male voice "you can choose" I was puzzled in my head I was like WTF!!! then I was focused on the "what" can I choose.. and before i said anything I heard it speak again " It is a choice to be happy, you can let "others" affect you or you can choose to be happy, there is always a choice. Choose between happy and unhappy. But know that it is a choice"

Weird...... I thought I was cray cray! no one was around outside it was 4:00 am, and unless My dogs learned how to talk then this voice came from somewhere important. I personally want to believe it was my Grandfather talking to me, telling me that I have the tools to control this. It sounded like him, and I frequently talk to him(myself) about life, and finally he answered. 

Don't get me wrong After that today was still totally a struggle. I wanted candy, didn't want to do a damn thing. I wanted to cry. I wanted to laugh so hard that i was crying. So I just took it one thing at a time

Anywho here are the photos of the day (excuse the trash on the floor, I have dogs that get into everything)

XOXO!!!!!

Erin D.